About

You see that smile?

That’s the smile of a man who just got handed a fresh batch of blueberry scones (made by his girlfriend who he then cropped out later while making his website) on his birthday. I have searched high and low for a picture where I’m as happy as this one, but it doesn’t seem to exist.

My name’s Zach Payne. I’m a guy from the midwest who moved to New York and then decided he wanted to try and become a comedy writer - a truly played out story, I know.

I’m a copywriter for work and write funny things while simultaneously trying to sell stuff, and outside of work I’m a writer who writes funny things without having to sell anything. When I’m not doing either of those things, I’m thinking about blueberry scones.

If you want to see my copywriting portfolio, you can find it at zpayne.com. If you want to see me dance to Adele in cargo shorts in 2012, you can find that here.