You know those days where you need a shirt that’s custom made that could go from the stage, to TV, to the boardroom, to the weight room? Of course you do! Lucky for you, Tim Tebow does too, and he’s finally doing something about this problem that we all face so frequently.
On Black Friday, Tim took to Twitter to announce that timtebow.com/shop will now be carrying the new Victory Cut Performance Shirt (pictured below in several colors). The shirt is a mixture of professional and athletic and is great for - you guessed it - going from the stage, to TV, to the boardroom, to the weight room. This new Victory Cut shirt is bound to be a huge hit, and to show my gratitude to number 15 for solving this existential need of ours, I thought I’d give him some promo and write out 15 times you’ll be glad you chose to wear your new Tim Tebow Victory Cut Performance Shirt.
When you have that annual performance review with your boss and he/she says that the only way you’ll get a raise this year is if you can drop down and beat him/her in a push-up contest.
When you’re interviewing to be a personal trainer and it’s unclear from the email if you’re supposed to lead the interviewer through a workout or just explain your qualifications.
When you’re in charge of leading a disengaged youth group on Wednesdays and the best way to get them to engage is through physical games like dodgeball, but you also have a baby face and need something to make you look older because you’ve noticed that when you’re wearing young, approachable clothing the kids start telling you secrets about their personal lives that cross the boundaries that you had hoped to establish.
When you’re recording a tongue-in-cheek video for your Personal Finance Youtube channel where you explain capital gains from inside of a gym.
When you’re headed straight from the office to the gym but neither your place of employment nor your gym have a single bathroom that you could change your shirt in and you also don’t have tinted windows in your car so it feels a little pervy to change your shirt in your car because your gym is right by the local middle school.
When your daughter’s got a piano recital but the venue doesn’t have a piano so you have to carry one in.
When you’re simultaneously running for office and running a marathon.
When you get asked to go on a date to a “really cool bar type of place” but you’re asked over the phone so you’re unsure it it’s an establishment that serves alcohol or if they actually were referring to a really cool “barre” type of place and you’ve been asked to do a trendy barre workout.
When you want to sneak a workout in during your lunch break at the office gym because you’ve got a busy evening and won’t have time after work but you’ve got this weird thing where you’re smooth and hairless up top but pretty bushy from the waist down so you almost exclusively sweat below the waist when you workout so when you’re done working out you just have to change your pants and underwear and do a little towel rinse of your lower body and can just leave your same shirt on.
When you’ve been cast in a live production of The Office as Kevin and you’re tasked with reenacting the infamous scene where he drops the huge pot of chili but it seemed a little ridiculous to use actual chili for this scene so instead your director decided to fill the pot with red sand and have you spill that instead, but sand is much heavier than chili so you get a really intense biceps workout trying to not spill the pot of sand too early in the scene.
When you’re heading straight from the office to play a round of golf but both your employer and your golf club have a weird thing against golf shirts because they find them to be a little too sporty for work and not quite dressy enough for the golf course, on top of the fact that they never fit right in the sleeves and they always look kind of silly.
When your significant other’s father works out at your gym and you’ve spent the last three years lying to him and telling him that you’re an accountant but the reality is that you’re actually kind of unemployed and just a producer for your friend who started rapping in college but only has 63 followers on SoundCloud and it’s unclear if he’s going to make it big, so a collared shirt at the gym can go a long way towards contributing towards the front.
When you’re reporting on the NFL combine for a local news station and you’re watching an offensive lineman bench press and he only does 5 reps which is pretty bad for a lineman and you accidentally let out a little laugh when he racks the weight and he gets up and says “What are you laughing at, little man? Think you could do better?” and you respond “Hell yeah I could, brother” and proceed to participate in the all of the drills at the combine and surprise some people with your 4.47 second 40-yard dash and the Philadelphia Eagles are so impressed by your speed that they decide to sign you a contract and you actually end up making the very last roster spot and getting in a few games on special teams and then someone in Hollywood decides to make a movie about your surprising journey to the NFL and Mark Wahlberg plays you in the movie.
When you’re the best man in your best friend’s wedding but he’s marrying a woman who’s 8 inches taller than him and they’re afraid it will look funny in pictures but a stool would look tacky so instead they ask you if you’ll spend the wedding lifting him over your head like a cheerleader and you need a shirt that can accommodate that type of consistent strain on your deltoids because the pastor is known for being a bit wordy so it won’t exactly be the quickest ceremony.
When you’re hired to DJ a formal high school dance and one of the football players comes up and requests “F***in Problems” and you say there’s no way you can play that at a school dance and the kid responds by calling you a pussy and you say “Bet I can do more pullups than you” and the football player accepts your challenge and says that the weight room is just around the corner and you can settle it there so you put on the extended version of Cha Cha Slide and leave the DJ booth and go beat a high school kid in a pullup contest by 3 which is closer than you were expecting but hey, a win is a win and then you head back to the DJ booth and there’s still one verse left in the Cha Cha Slide.
It’s pretty clear that there are countless times like these that we all go through where we’ll be really thankful for Tim’s Victory Cut Performance Shirts. When you all get yours (I’m sure you’ve already ordered them and they’re on the way), be sure to head to Twitter and let Tim know just how grateful you are for these custom made shirts that can go from the stage, to TV, to the boardroom, to the weight room.
