This week, President Trump made history by becoming the first president in history to use the White House lawn for a partisan, political event. While the event itself was a nightmare, the lawn was absolutely glorious, and it seems like it’s now fair game to use for whatever we please. Here are some of my favorite potential uses:
1) A Farmers Market Where at Least 3 of the Vendors Sell Local Honey
I like there to be a bit of variety so I can try them all and decide which one was made by the happiest bees.
2) A CNN vs. Fox Anchors Kickball Game
The outfield has to take a couple steps back when an angry Tucker Carlson comes up to the plate.
3) A Dog Park that Encourages Pitbulls
It’s time to put an end to the national misconceptions.
4) Televised Performance Tests for Riding Lawnmowers
My money’s on the Kubota Z100 series.
5) Gnarly Ultimate Frisbee Games
If there aren’t at least two self-proclaimed hippies in the game, it’s not gnarly enough.
6) LMFAO Reunion Concerts
It’s been 8 years, guys, the world needs you.
7) Filming Episodes of Chopped Grill Masters
While we’re at it, let’s just make Ted Allen president.
8) A Serene Setting for Foreign Leaders to Play Fetch With Rudy Giuliani
He’ll do anything for a treat.
9) Picnics
But the only food you’re allowed to bring is Papadias from Papa John’s
10) A Graduation Party for the Kids from Stranger Things
It’s gonna sneak up on us - we should try and get a jump on booking the venue.