Unreal News
(The Onion-style headlines)
Man Trying To Shop Local Notices Bookstore Doesn’t Have as Many Air Fryer Options as Amazon
Frustratingly Diligent Children Ask for Proof That Elf on the Shelf Was Vaccinated
Distant Family Member Decides to Gift Something Personal This Year, Opts for VISA Gift Cards Over Cash
Man Can’t Figure Out How He Contracted Covid-19 After Not Leaving Home for Months Except for the One Night He Attended Orgy with Former Hot Topic Co-Worker
Mask In Use Since March May Be Due for a Wash
Woman Who Downloaded Chess App After Watching The Queen’s Gamit Loses to Computer for 7th Time in a Row
Exhausted Family Can’t Wait For Vaccine So They Can Finally Kiss Their Grandparents on the Lips Again
Google Launches New Targeted Ads for What You’re About to be Thinking About
Senate Agrees to New Round of Stimulus Checks that Require Elaborate Mail-In Rebate
James Harden Uses Signature Step Back Move to Distance Himself From Jarring Number on Scale
Yankee Candle Unveils New Fresh Linen Scented Menorah
Kelly Loeffler Celebrates Christmas in Georgia by Handing Out Jigsaw Puzzles with One Piece Missing to Local Children
Woman Considering Signing Herself Up for Half Marathon Just to Have an Excuse to Carbo Load
Local Baker Having Trouble Dividing 3/4 Cup in Half
Applebee’s Forced to Start Selling Standing Room Only Tickets for Wing Wednesdays
Rapper Confesses Girl He Rolls with More Like a 7 Than a 10
Wend'y’s Worker Doing His Best to Fulfill Customer’s Request for Medium Well
Notre Dame Faithful Quick to Remind Clemson’s Fans of What Happened Last Time They Played in Field Hockey
3:30 Pancakes Starting to Seem More Like Depression than Brunch
Local Woman’s Paragraph on Facebook Somehow Just One Big Sentence
Child’s Art Class Gingerbread Ornament Appears to Have a Phallus
