We can all envision what Donald Trump’s post-presidency life looks like: lots of golf, watching YouTube highlights of his own rallies, and yelling at anyone who looks slightly foreign that comes within 10 miles of Mar-A-Lago. Vice President Pence’s post-VP life is much harder to imagine though, seeing that we hardly got to know the man at all over the last 4 years. Before he heads off to a homophobic retirement in Indiana, I wanted to take a moment and try and guess what Pence’s next couple years may look like, so that you don’t have to. Here’s a list of some of my best guesses of what his hobbies will be:
Starting a YouTube channel to rank the best mayonnaise available at Kroger
Writing Op-Eds about whether white or blue dress shirts are more stylish
Playing Jenga (as long as it doesn’t get too tall)
Calling insurance companies and getting quotes just for fun
Painting his house different shades of cream
Walking laps around his cul-de-sac while listening to NPR podcasts at 0.5 speed
Checking local lemonade stands for their vendor’s licenses
Going hunting with no rifle
Attending local basketball games and storming out if someone dribbles behind the back
Sledding on mostly flat hills (anything > 10 degree slope is too risky)
Leaving Yelp! reviews on all 18 Applebee’s in the Indianapolis metro area
Making sure no local diving boards are too springy
Watching CSPAN reruns
Warning local schoolgirls about the dark magic of the Girl Scouts
Practicing his cursive
Perfecting his boiled chicken recipe
Sending emails to modern art museums asking them to explain
Watching people play solitaire on Twitch
Going the speed limit in driving simulators
Making withdrawals from ATMs just to feel some nice, crisp dollar bills
Making sure local Kindergarten classes understand the benefits of money market accounts vs. traditional checking
Collecting model train sets (ones that aren’t too flashy)
What a life it will be!
