“It’s definitely longer than average” - a sentence that most men would love to hear from a woman with a tape measurer in her hand. But for me, on a warm spring day at a Macy’s in 2016, those words were confirmation that my lifelong suspicions were true. As I got fitted for my suit for my sister’s wedding, I had finally mustered up the courage to ask a “tailor” if my torso was long for my height - her response stung like hell.
In the years since, I grew to embrace my body and the fact that my equator is just a little farther south than the average male. Heck, it even came in handy sometimes. But, as life goes, another issue arose. When I turned 24 a couple years ago, I came to the dark realization that I was likely done growing. I had been stuck at the same height since around freshman year of college, and it seemed like my body was done. The only problem? I was stuck at 5’11 and 3/4”. This next challenge with my body’s dimensions was a difficult one to overcome, especially in tandem with the aforementioned torso dilemma.
I write to you today not as someone who is insecure of his height and its composition, but rather as someone who is confident in himself and knows to buy the shorter inseam pants from LuluLemon. For any guys out there who may be facing similar confidence issues, I wanted to write this piece to let you know that for every problem you may find with being 5”11 and 3/4” with an unusually long torso, there’s a benefit as well. Hang in there, pals.
CON: Not quite 6’ tall
PRO: I can confidently round up to 6’ in most scenarios and no one will question it.
CON: Most pants are too long for my shorter than average legs
PRO: I’m tall enough to ride all roller coasters that I’ve come across
CON: Not realistically tall enough to be in the NBA as a white guy
PRO: If the NBA ever forms a secondary 6’ and under league that plays on 9’ rims as I’ve often fantasized about, I’ll get to play Center
CON: I need a large shirt in terms of length from most places, but a medium in the shoulders and through the chest
PRO: Don’t need as much leg room
CON: Never been called “Stretch”
PRO: Can reach most top shelves, and more specifically, can always reach the top shelves at Thanksgiving to get that pan out that my mom uses once a year
CON: I’m not tall enough that people would see my head popping out and be able to find me in a large crowd
PRO: Don’t usually hit my head on doorways
CON: Since my legs aren’t that long, my feet aren’t always able to touch the floor when I’m sitting at a high top table
PRO: When I’m riding in the back seat of a car and we’re going through a bumpy stretch of road where your head might bounce around, I’m able to extend my long torso and sit upright and press my head against the ceiling which holds it steady and negates any negative effects of the bumpy road
CON: I live in constant fear of the government coming and arresting me for committing fraud because I said that I was 6’ tall on my driver’s license
PRO: I’m tall enough to stand on a barstool and change the smoke detectors on a ten foot ceiling
See, fellas? For every shortcoming of our long upper bodies, there’s a win in there too. So, while your waist may be set low, your head should always be held high.