After much acclaim regarding my Pros and Cons list last week, I’ve decided to go back into the well for another list of a similar vein. Much like last week’s list, which was aimed at a very large audience (men who are 5’11 and 3/4” with unusually long torsos), I figured I’d write for another huge group this week: people who are about to become Supreme Court Justices.
I know, I know - maybe I should focus my list onto more specific, targeted groups, but there’s something so rewarding about writing something that applies to such a large collection of people. Without any further ado, here are the Pros and Cons of becoming a Supreme Court Justice:
PRO: Job Security Is As Good as it Gets
CON: Not Much Room for Career Growth
PRO: Don’t Really Have a Boss
CON: The Robes Don’t Do Much for the Physique You Work So Hard to Sculpt
PRO: You Already Have a Cool Robe You Can Use When You Dress Up as Ron Weasley for Halloween
CON: Judges Don’t Wear Those Cool Wigs Anymore
PRO: Get to Manipulate the Laws of the Nation Based on Your Personal Political Views
CON: According to a 3 Star Google review from 4 Years Ago, The Cafeteria Has Minimal Hours and Doesn’t Serve Much Outside of Cookies, Coffee, and Soda
PRO: Automatically Have Final Say in Arguments At Home
CON: Having Your Previous Sexual Assaults Aired Out on National TV
PRO: With Just 9 Justices, It’s One of the Most Exclusive Jobs in the Country
CON: Not as Exclusive of a Job as Host of The Weakest Link, Which Only Has One Host, and is Currently Occupied by Jane Lynch
PRO: On Causal Fridays You Can Go Commando Under Your Robe
CON: Not Very Flexible Hours
PRO: The President Will Throw You Cool Parties Even If There’s a Pandemic Going On
CON: You Have This Coworker Named Brett Who Asks You to Get Beers Every Day After Work
Overall, I’d say the cons may outweigh the pros on this one, but I don’t want my opinion to discourage all of you out there from applying. It just might be the job for you!